9 TO DIEOnboarding
What is Onboarding?
Onboarding is floor 1 of 12, and its phrase is "Drinking from the firehose." It is open from the start, for every department. Its enemies are at base strength. Its final boss is The Learning Portal, at 16:00. Beating it opens The Cubicle Farm.
Good morning, team!! Welcome to the Organization!! A few exciting updates before we dive in.
Which bosses are on the calendar?
Four calendar bosses book this floor: Town Hall, Password Expiry, Laptop Refresh, Calibration. They arrive at 3:45, 7:30, 11:15, 15:00 in that order. The Learning Portal closes the quarter at 16:00, and beating it wins the floor. A calendar boss still standing at the next booking leaves without paying out.
| Clock | Boss | Slot | Base health | Phases |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 3:45 | Town Hall | Calendar | 700 | 3 |
| 7:30 | Password Expiry | Calendar | 600 | 3 |
| 11:15 | Laptop Refresh | Calendar | 750 | 3 |
| 15:00 | Calibration | Calendar | 1000 | 3 |
| 16:00 | The Learning Portal | Final | 2200 | 4 |
What is the hazard, and is there a secret?
The hazard: Clean-desk policy: your desk, a green patch that heals you, moves every week. It runs for the whole quarter, so plan your route around it. This floor also hides one secret, which appears on the floor during Monday Morning. Finding it changes the run for the better.
Hint: Something on this floor quietly does its job. Find it during Monday Morning and one of the nuisances here stops turning up.
Tips from the floor
- The Stand-Up ring has a gap when it forms. Walk through it.
- The vending machine at the end is the boss. Everyone has lost a coin to it.
- Your desk is the green patch. It moves weekly.
Who is in the cast?
25 kinds of enemy work this floor, and 1 of them are elites, marked with a yellow-and-black band. The swarm arrives first, tougher kinds join as the weeks pass, and specials turn up on their own schedule. Numbers below are base figures, before the clock and the floor multiply them.
| Enemy | Tier | Health | Damage | Speed | What it does |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Ping | Swarm | 2 | 3 | 3.1 | arrives in a sudden burst on a timer |
| Quick Question | Swarm | 3 | 4 | 2.7 | arrives in a sudden burst on a timer |
| Friendly Reminder | Swarm | 3 | 4 | 2.5 | walks straight at you |
| Calendar Invite | Swarm | 3 | 3 | 2.6 | stuns you when it touches you |
| Ticket | Swarm | 3 | 4 | 2.4 | walks straight at you |
| Daily Stand-Up | Standard | 10 | 6 | 1.7 | forms a ring around you and closes it |
| Compliance Module | Standard | 9 | 6 | 1.2 | moves as one solid block and closes its gaps |
| Approval Chain | Standard | 8 | 6 | 1.6 | crosses the floor in a line that breaks at the first kill |
| Timesheet | Standard | 10 | 5 | 2.1 | steals your XP, runs away and drops double when caught |
| Circle Back | Standard | 8 | 7 | 2.3 | circles you and bites when you stop |
| Password Reset | Standard | 9 | 5 | 1.8 | stuns you when it touches you |
| Phishing Test | Standard | 8 | 4 | 1.7 | stuns you when it touches you |
| Diversity Trainer | Standard | 11 | 4 | 1.5 | stuns you when it touches you |
| Ergonomics Assessor | Standard | 10 | 5 | 1.6 | stuns you when it touches you |
| Status Report | Standard | 9 | 5 | 1.6 | walks straight at you |
| Merge Conflict | Standard | 10 | 6 | 1.6 | joins others of its kind into something bigger |
| Agile Coach | Tough | 48 | 9 | 1.2 | makes everything around it stronger |
| Sprint Retro | Tough | 14 | 6 | 1.5 | forms a ring around you and closes it |
| Lipstick on a Pig | Tough | 40 | 9 | 1.6 | fully heals and renames itself at set health levels |
| Scrum Master | Elite | 180 | 12 | 1.4 | calls in more enemies on a timer |
| The Printer | Special | 50 | 0 | 0 | stays put and produces more enemies |
| The Backlog | Special | 60 | 0 | 0 | stays put and produces more enemies |
| Sprint Board | Special | 45 | 0 | 0.5 | stays put and produces more enemies |
| Fun Fact | Special | 30 | 4 | 1.6 | stuns you when it touches you |
| Reply All | Special | 6 | 5 | 1.5 | snakes across the floor, and kills add to its tail until the head dies |