9 TO DIEAchievements
How do achievements work?
There are 125 achievements worth 3,000 points, in 7 categories. They track your whole career, and most complete while you are simply playing. Points buy 6 perks with permanent bonuses, and reaching point totals unlocks companions, lanyards and appearances. Spending points on a perk never takes an unlock away.
One button. You pressed it.
Onboarding
The Onboarding category holds 15 achievements worth 135 points, about 5 percent of the total. The biggest single award is Retained, at 20 points. To earn it: Win 1 quarter. Every requirement below is exact, taken from the check the game runs when a run ends.
Firsts. Badge in, find your desk, it has moved.
| Achievement | Points | Requirement | In the game's words |
|---|---|---|---|
| First Day | 5 | Finish 1 run | Badge in. Find your desk. It has moved. |
| Handled | 5 | Handle 1 enemy in total | Your first piece of work, dealt with. |
| Promoted (Internally) | 5 | Reach level 2 in one run | Same pay, new title. |
| Meeting Cancelled | 10 | Beat 1 boss | One recurring series, ended. |
| Retained | 20 | Win 1 quarter | Thrilled to announce you survived the quarter. |
| Offline | 5 | Go Offline 1 time | Please return your laptop within 5 business days. |
| Something in the Drawer | 5 | Find 1 run item | Finders keepers. Policy disagrees. |
| Requested 2022 | 10 | Find 1 gear piece | Arrived. |
| Second Opinion | 5 | Reroll 1 time | Let me check with the team. |
| Pulled Out | 10 | Rescue 1 coworker or co-op teammate | The night-shift analyst says thanks. |
| Executive Action | 10 | Use your executive action 1 time | One button. You pressed it. |
| Six Hours Reclaimed | 10 | Collect 360 XP in total | The afternoon is yours. |
| Accrued | 10 | Earn 10 PTO in total | Ten days you will never take. |
| Stretch Goal | 15 | Win on Stretch Goal I | Great work. Now do it with half the team. |
| Posted | 10 | Copy a share 1 time | Grateful to my spreadsheet. |
Career
The Career category holds 20 achievements worth 500 points, about 17 percent of the total. The biggest single award is Hiring Freeze Survivor, at 60 points. To earn it: Win on Stretch Goal V. Every requirement below is exact, taken from the check the game runs when a run ends.
Quarters, floors, bands, and the hours after the lights go off.
| Achievement | Points | Requirement | In the game's words |
|---|---|---|---|
| Five Quarters | 10 | Finish 5 runs | A year and a bit. Feels longer. |
| Tenured | 15 | Finish 25 runs | Nobody remembers hiring you. |
| Lifer | 30 | Finish 100 runs | Knows which lift lies. |
| Consistently Retained | 15 | Win 5 quarters | Five Quarter Closes. Five thank-you emails. |
| Every Floor | 30 | Win 12 quarters | Including the one outside. |
| Exceeds Expectations | 25 | Win 20 quarters | The bar has been moved accordingly. |
| Promoted Past It | 40 | Win 50 quarters | Nobody can explain what you do now. |
| Band 20 | 10 | Reach level 20 in one run | Same work, new letter. |
| Band 40 | 20 | Reach level 40 in one run | A title with Senior in it twice. |
| Off the Pay Scale | 30 | Reach level 60 in one run | HR has created a band for you. It has no number. |
| An Hour of Your Life | 10 | Survive 60:00 in one run | Reclaimed, technically. |
| A Working Day, Plus Lunch | 20 | Survive 600:00 in one run | You did not take lunch. |
| A Full Week | 40 | Survive 2400:00 in one run | Forty hours. Not billable. |
| Exceeds Expectations (Required) | 15 | Win on Stretch Goal II | Meeting them is now a performance concern. |
| Budget Freeze Survivor | 25 | Win on Stretch Goal III | Nothing new. Twice as much old. |
| Audit Season Survivor | 40 | Win on Stretch Goal IV | Every receipt. Every year. |
| Hiring Freeze Survivor | 60 | Win on Stretch Goal V | You are the people. |
| Stayed Late | 10 | Stay Late for 0:05 in one run | Five minutes. Unpaid. |
| Still Here | 20 | Stay Late for 0:15 in one run | The cleaner has said goodnight twice. |
| The Lights Went Off | 35 | Stay Late for 0:30 in one run | Motion sensors. Wave your arms. |
The Calendar
The The Calendar category holds 12 achievements worth 420 points, about 14 percent of the total. The biggest single award is Untouchable, at 75 points. To earn it: Beat 50 bosses without being hit. Every requirement below is exact, taken from the check the game runs when a run ends.
Bosses cancelled, bosses untouched, buttons pressed.
| Achievement | Points | Requirement | In the game's words |
|---|---|---|---|
| Five Cancelled | 10 | Beat 5 bosses | Five recurring meetings. Gone. |
| Calendar Hygiene | 20 | Beat 25 bosses | Default length: zero. |
| Declined Without Comment | 30 | Beat 100 bosses | No reason given, a hundred times. |
| No-Meeting Wednesday | 45 | Beat 250 bosses | Every day is Wednesday now. |
| The Calendar Is Empty | 60 | Beat 500 bosses | It fills again by Monday. |
| Untouched | 15 | Beat 1 boss without being hit | A whole boss without a scratch. |
| Teflon | 30 | Beat 5 bosses without being hit | Nothing sticks. |
| Do Not Disturb | 50 | Beat 20 bosses without being hit | Status honoured, for once. |
| Untouchable | 75 | Beat 50 bosses without being hit | Nobody can book you. |
| Ten Executive Actions | 10 | Use your executive action 10 times | One button, ten times. |
| Leadership Material | 25 | Use your executive action 100 times | Decisive. Repeatedly. |
| The Button | 50 | Use your executive action 500 times | It was under glass. |
Throughput
The Throughput category holds 24 achievements worth 560 points, about 19 percent of the total. The biggest single award is Nobody Has Counted, at 60 points. To earn it: Handle 500,000 enemies in total. Every requirement below is exact, taken from the check the game runs when a run ends.
Work handled, damage reported, XP collected.
| Achievement | Points | Requirement | In the game's words |
|---|---|---|---|
| A Hundred Things Handled | 10 | Handle 100 enemies in total | Before lunch. |
| Four Figures | 15 | Handle 1,000 enemies in total | Rounded down on the review. |
| Throughput | 20 | Handle 5,000 enemies in total | Units per hour, including you. |
| Inbox Zero | 25 | Handle 10,000 enemies in total | Achieved. Briefly. |
| A Quarter's Worth | 35 | Handle 50,000 enemies in total | Of someone else's work. |
| Six Figures | 45 | Handle 100,000 enemies in total | Not your salary. |
| Nobody Has Counted | 60 | Handle 500,000 enemies in total | Finance tried. |
| Damage Report | 10 | Deal 100,000 damage in total | Filed. |
| Seven Figures | 15 | Deal 1,000,000 damage in total | Still not your salary. |
| Material | 30 | Deal 10,000,000 damage in total | The auditors noticed. |
| Restated | 45 | Deal 100,000,000 damage in total | The old number was wrong. |
| Sixteen Hours Back | 10 | Collect 1,000 XP in total | A weekend, nearly. |
| A Week Back | 15 | Collect 10,000 XP in total | Spent in meetings about the week. |
| A Quarter Back | 30 | Collect 100,000 XP in total | Carried over. Denied. |
| Years of Your Life | 45 | Collect 1,000,000 XP in total | Returned. No interest. |
| Fully Aligned | 10 | Handle 500 of Alignment | Five hundred sheep. One direction. |
| Out of the Hole | 10 | Handle 1,000 of Rabbit Hole | A thousand follow-ups, bumped for the last time. |
| Removed From This Conversation | 10 | Handle 100 of Reply All | A hundred threads, ended at the sender. |
| Not Circling Back | 10 | Handle 300 of Circle Back | Three hundred packs. None of them came back. |
| Moved On | 10 | Handle 10 of Dead Horse | Ten arguments, left alone long enough. |
| Sunset | 10 | Handle 20 of Lipstick on a Pig | Twenty rebrands. Twenty times Pig (Legacy). |
| A Hundred Days | 10 | Earn 100 PTO in total | Accrued. Untaken. |
| Unlimited PTO (Accrued) | 30 | Earn 1,000 PTO in total | The policy and the balance have never met. |
| Never Taken | 50 | Earn 5,000 PTO in total | The record. Nobody is proud of it. |
Your Setup
The Your Setup category holds 20 achievements worth 560 points, about 19 percent of the total. The biggest single award is Every Piece, at 60 points. To earn it: Find 486 gear pieces. Every requirement below is exact, taken from the check the game runs when a run ends.
Gear, sets, stars and the drawer.
| Achievement | Points | Requirement | In the game's words |
|---|---|---|---|
| A Drawer of Gear | 10 | Find 10 gear pieces | Requested over years. |
| Half a Setup | 15 | Find 27 gear pieces | The other half is on order. |
| Full Setup | 20 | Find 54 gear pieces | Every slot, every rarity, one role. |
| Hoarder | 30 | Find 150 gear pieces | The desk drawer does not close. |
| The Stationery Cupboard | 45 | Find 300 gear pieces | You are the cupboard. |
| Every Piece | 60 | Find 486 gear pieces | All nine roles. Facilities would like a word. |
| Complete Set | 15 | Complete 1 gear set | Your whole personality, as a loadout. |
| Five Personalities | 25 | Complete 5 gear sets | Depending on the meeting. |
| Wardrobe | 40 | Complete 10 gear sets | A set for every floor. |
| Everyone You Have Ever Been | 60 | Complete 23 gear sets | All twenty-three sets. |
| Five Stars | 10 | Buy 5 stars | Meets Expectations, five times. |
| Ten Stars | 15 | Buy 10 stars | Paid in days you did not take. |
| Rated | 20 | Buy 25 stars | Would recommend. Did not. |
| Gold Star | 30 | Buy 50 stars | On the fridge. |
| Constellation | 40 | Buy 100 stars | Visible from the Executive Floor. |
| Five Stars on Everything | 60 | Buy 270 stars | The review nobody gets. |
| Pockets Full | 10 | Find 10 run items | Lanyard, badge, something sticky. |
| Desk Drawer | 10 | Find 25 run items | Do not open the second one. |
| Everything in the Drawer | 20 | Find 50 run items | Catalogued. Labelled. Hoarded. |
| Including the Legendaries | 25 | Find 75 run items | The drawer is now a filing cabinet. |
Departments
The Departments category holds 18 achievements worth 450 points, about 15 percent of the total. The biggest single award is President's Club, at 35 points. To earn it: Win 10 quarters as Sales. Every requirement below is exact, taken from the check the game runs when a run ends.
One win in every role. Then ten.
| Achievement | Points | Requirement | In the game's words |
|---|---|---|---|
| Closed the Quarter | 15 | Win 1 quarter as Sales | Just sign here. |
| President's Club | 35 | Win 10 quarters as Sales | A trip, a plaque, a quota 20% higher. |
| Shipped | 15 | Win 1 quarter as Engineering | It worked in staging. |
| Tech Lead | 35 | Win 10 quarters as Engineering | Ten quarters without a rewrite. Nine, really. |
| People Person | 15 | Win 1 quarter as HR | There was pizza. |
| Chief People Officer | 35 | Win 10 quarters as HR | Your wellbeing matters to you. |
| Reconciled | 15 | Win 1 quarter as Finance | Off by nothing. |
| Sign-Off Authority | 35 | Win 10 quarters as Finance | Up to and including the number. |
| Case Closed | 15 | Win 1 quarter as Legal | Govern yourself accordingly. |
| Name Partner | 35 | Win 10 quarters as Legal | The tutorial is still billing. |
| Ticket Resolved | 15 | Win 1 quarter as IT | Resolution: user error. |
| Domain Admin | 35 | Win 10 quarters as IT | You should not have this. |
| Launched | 15 | Win 1 quarter as Marketing | Four tracers, one warhead. |
| Brand of the Year | 35 | Win 10 quarters as Marketing | Awarded by the brand. |
| Building Secured | 15 | Win 1 quarter as Facilities | This was a drill. |
| Keys to Everything | 35 | Win 10 quarters as Facilities | Including rooms that do not exist. |
| Delivered | 15 | Win 1 quarter as Operations | On time. In full. |
| Ten Times, In Full | 35 | Win 10 quarters as Operations | The warehouse was harder. |
Culture
The Culture category holds 16 achievements worth 375 points, about 13 percent of the total. The biggest single award is The Real Org Chart, at 60 points. To earn it: Rescue 1000 coworkers or co-op teammates. Every requirement below is exact, taken from the check the game runs when a run ends.
Rescues, teams, posts, and going Offline gracefully.
| Achievement | Points | Requirement | In the game's words |
|---|---|---|---|
| Pulled Ten Out | 10 | Rescue 10 coworkers or co-op teammates | They remember. |
| The Wall | 20 | Rescue 50 coworkers or co-op teammates | Fifty Kudos. The mug is yours. |
| Everyone Knows Your Name | 40 | Rescue 250 coworkers or co-op teammates | Not the Organization. The people. |
| The Real Org Chart | 60 | Rescue 1000 coworkers or co-op teammates | You are on it. At the top. In pencil. |
| Team Effort | 15 | Win 1 co-op quarter | Five people, one calendar. |
| Standing Team | 30 | Win 10 co-op quarters | Nobody scheduled it. It happened. |
| Cross-Functional | 50 | Win 50 co-op quarters | The only one that ever worked. |
| Grateful to My Spreadsheet | 10 | Copy a share 5 times | Posted. Five times. |
| Humbled | 15 | Copy a share 25 times | Twenty-five posts, each more humbled than the last. |
| Thought Leader | 30 | Copy a share 100 times | Agree? |
| Muted by Colleagues | 40 | Copy a share 500 times | Five hundred posts. Someone turned you off. |
| Second Opinions | 10 | Reroll 50 times | Let me check with the team, fifty times. |
| Still Deciding | 20 | Reroll 500 times | Five hundred rerolls. The first card was fine. |
| Frequent Offliner | 5 | Go Offline 10 times | Laptop returned ten times. |
| Known to Security | 10 | Go Offline 100 times | They have a box with your name on it. |
| Rehired, Again | 10 | Go Offline 500 times | Same desk. Badge number in the thousands. |
What do perks do?
Perks are 6 permanent bonuses bought with achievement points, costing 3,000 points for the lot. They range from extra health to an extra skill slot, and they work in every department. Buying all of them leaves plenty over, since the full set of achievements pays 3,000 points.
Approved. Expires in 24 hours. Renewed daily, forever.
| Perk | Cost | What it does |
|---|---|---|
| The Good Chair | 200 | +10% health. Requested 2022. Arrived. |
| Work From Home | 300 | +30 seconds of Monday Morning. Commute, reclaimed. |
| Carry-Over | 400 | +15% PTO banked per run. HR approved it. Once. |
| Grade 7 | 600 | Lock one card between level-ups. Earned the right to say no. |
| Boundaries | 700 | +1 Boundary in Monday Morning. No is a complete sentence. |
| Admin Rights | 800 | +1 starting skill slot. Approved. Expires in 24 hours. Renewed daily, forever. |
What can I unlock with points?
Reaching a total of earned points unlocks 12 things: 4 companions, 4 lanyards and 4 appearance items. The first arrives at 100 points and the last at 3,000. Each one goes by points earned, so spending on perks costs you nothing here.
Permanent. The real reason anyone stays.
| Points | Unlock | Kind | Description |
|---|---|---|---|
| 100 | Grey Lanyard | Lanyard | It came with the badge. |
| 250 | The Office Dog | Companion | Comes in on Thursdays. Everyone's throughput drops. |
| 400 | Holiday Party Antlers | Appearance | From the party. Never removed. |
| 600 | Lanyard With the Old Logo | Lanyard | Two rebrands ago. Best logo. |
| 800 | Automation (Friendly) | Companion | Repeats your last attack at 30%. At the right target, this time. |
| 1000 | The Cardboard Box | Appearance | Security will walk you out. You walk yourself. |
| 1200 | All-Access Lanyard | Lanyard | Opens doors that are not on the plan. |
| 1500 | A Work Friend | Companion | Permanent. The real reason anyone stays. |
| 1800 | The World's Best Boss Mug | Appearance | Carried everywhere. The boss is gone. The mug knows. |
| 2200 | The One Aligned Sheep | Companion | It follows you. It is the only one that does. |
| 2600 | Lanyard With Every Logo | Lanyard | All five rebrands, stitched end to end. |
| 3000 | The Monitor | Appearance | Carried to every meeting, forever. |